Unconditional Positive Regard: What we need most right now

Nimah Gobir in How Unconditional Positive Regard Can Help Students Feel Cared For, reminds us of the importance of unconditional positive regard:

“I care about you. You have value. You don’t have to do anything to prove it to me, and nothing’s going to change my mind.”

Isn’t this everything that all of us need right now? I believe that schools, with all good intentions, often default to a transactional approach to relationship-building. We communicate we care about our students, but occasionally forget that we must also care for them. Our language often conveys that acceptance is tied to compliance. Don’t get me wrong - rules are good. And I think we should have clear, consistent, and high expectations for students. But setting those expectations, and holding students accountable, can be confused with unconditional positive regard. “Unconditional teachers accept students for who they are, not what they do.”

And it isn’t just students who need unconditional positive regard. We all do. We all need relationship.

Should we hold each other accountable? Of course! Should we set expectations for one another, and be clear about what we need? Yes! Let’s also begin with relationship. Let’s begin with “I care about you.”